Helping male victims of intrafamilial abuse to break their silence

We will provide a support network through a 'Buddy' system designed to help men heal from the sexual abuse they went through as a child.

Helping male victims of intrafamilial abuse to break their silence

We will provide a support network through a 'Buddy' system designed to help men heal from the sexual abuse they went through as a child.

OUR STORY

Hi, it's Perry here, the founder of The Andy Project (or 'Andy' for short).

I am launching this charity for one reason: because I know what it's like to go through sexual abuse as a child and live in secrecy.

For me, it was my step-grandad. He groomed me and sexually abused me for over a year when I was 11 years old (except at the time, I didn’t know it was sexual abuse. I thought it was just a form of ‘love’).

After a stop was put to it, my dad told me to keep quiet. And so I did… for a little over 12 years.

I became depressed. I became suicidal. And I became someone who was so far from who I wanted to be, that I lost all hope of ever finding my authentic self.

But then, 2017 comes around.

Now, before I get to that, let me tell you about my dad.

My dad was a fantastic human being. He was funny, kind, and very heart-led. He was a great father.

But he was also a troubled man.

He had demons. He had pain. And he was an alcoholic.

And it was the alcohol, along with his high blood pressure and diabetes, that led my step-mum to call the ambulance on June 1st 2017. 

When they arrived, they popped him into the back of the ambulance as they needed to take him to the hospital to even out his blood levels.

But, unfortunately, he didn’t make it to the hospital. He had a heart attack in the back of the ambulance and died.

He was 48 years old.

His untimely death led me to break my 12 year silence.

Why?

Well, at the time, I didn’t know why. I just felt like I needed to.

However, after I spoke out and started healing, I found out that 3 other members of the family were abused too...

And that my dad was one of them.

Everything then proceeded to click into place.

And that’s when I made a promise to myself that I would not let anyone else live and die in silence just like my dad did.

Which is why this charity, which is named after my dad, Andy, is being created.

A charity that specifically helps men, who are victims of intrafamilial child sexual abuse, to break their silence and own their story.

If you’re reading this, and you’re living in silence, then just know that you aren’t alone.

1 in 20 children have been sexually abused (and these are just the ones we know about).

A good portion of that statistic will have been abused by a family member, and an even bigger portion will have gone on to live in silence.

You've made the first step by coming onto this site.

Now... the second step is reaching out.

And we’re here to help.

Perry and his dad, Andy.

3rd August 2015. A random pub in Winchester, UK.

Perry and his dad, Andy.

3rd August 2015. A random pub in Winchester, UK.

Here's How We Help

Step One

DM us on the Instagram. From here we'll have a friendly chat and decide if our support system is the next best step. If so, we'll pair you up with a 'Buddy' of ours.

Step Two

Over the period of 3 months, your Buddy will take you on a supportive journey geared towards helping you to break your silence in a safe way.

Step Three

You will be part of a lifelong community, will have found emotional freedom, and will also get the opportunity to become a Buddy for someone else too.
Your 'Buddy' will also be a male survivor of intrafamilial child sexual abuse.

FAQ:

"I know someone who has been abused. Can I refer him to you guys?"
Yes! Please do. Whether it's your husband, father, brother, uncle, or friend, have him reach out to us on Instagram. If you feel like they can't make that first move, then DM us his IG profile and we'll reach out to him ourselves. But just know that you're doing the right thing. Thank you.
"Will you support me if I decide to report it to the police?"
100%, we'll be with you every step of the way. We'll even try to cover legal costs if needed. When we say we're there to support you in breaking your silence, we mean it. And if justice is part of that, then we'll help you with that too. 
"But the abuse happened so long ago, is there a point in bringing it to light?"
Of course there is. It doesn't matter if it happened 10 years ago of 50. The fact is that it happened. So you have every right to dig up the past, because it's the silence that allows it to thrive.
"I'm scared of telling my partner, I'm afraid it'll ruin my family. What should I do?"
First, accept that it's okay to feel like that. It's very valid. But just know that our fears are what controls us if we aren't careful, and the juiciest meal fear eats is time. So the more time you feed your fear, the bigger it gets. Reach out to us so that we can work together on this. We'll find the perfect way to tell your family so that it empowers you instead of cripples you.
"Is Andy specifically for the UK?"
Yes it is. So if you're in the UK, then reach out to us on Instagram. However, if you're based abroad, then you have two options. First is to purchase a copy of Breaking The Silence: Stories From Survivors Of Sexual Abuse. It'll help you on your journey to breaking your silence. And the second option is to reach out to Perry Power on Instagram or Facebook, he can personally help you and direct you to where you need to go next.
"I don't have Instagram, is there another way to contact you instead?"
Yes you can email us at: contact@theandyproject.org.uk.

UPDATE: 01/06/2022

The Andy Project is an unincorporated association currently waiting on its CIO (Charitable Incorporated Organisation) registration. We will update here once the British Government has registered The Andy Project as a CIO. In the meantime, Andy can still receive donations, grants, and funding, as well as also carry out its mission, to help male survivors of intrafamilial child sexual abuse to break their silence.